Difficult personalities, where do they come from?
Difficult personalities, where do they come from?
Why do adults, who have the freedom to act independently, choose their friends, education, hobbies, thoughts, feelings, and so much more, still become sad, depressed, withdrawn, angry, or spiteful?
Toxic parenting shapes lonely, angry, or withdrawn adults.
A child’s first bully is often… their parent 
Childhood should be a sanctuary—a place where love, safety, and acceptance form the foundation of identity. But when a parent is emotionally abusive, manipulative, or neglectful, that sanctuary becomes a battlefield. The wounds left by those battles don’t fade with time; they evolve, shaping the child into an adult in ways not invisible to others but deeply felt by the person themselves.
The Path to Emotional Isolation
A “bad” parent—whether through narcissism, control, or cruelty—teaches the child that love is conditional. Love and support can be withdrawn as punishment. Praise is rare, criticism constant. Over time, the child learns to suppress their emotions, distrust their intuition, and question their worth. This emotional isolation becomes a pattern in adulthood, where vulnerability feels dangerous, cannot be expressed, and loving, supportive, accepting connection with others seems impossible.
Anger as a Shield
Anger often becomes a shield in adulthood. It’s not just rage toward the parent—it’s anger at a world that didn’t notice, didn’t help, didn’t understand. This anger may manifest as a constant need for approval, cynicism, or even aggression. But beneath there lies deep sadness and unmet needs. An adult lashes out not only to hurt others and feel better by himself, but because he never learned how to be heard calmly. They don’t know how to meet their own needs, so they try to meet others’—just to gain attention. Doing things only for others to gain approval is exhausting, and it leads to outbursts.
Withdrawal as Survival
Some adults withdraw. They become quiet, obedient, invisible. They struggle with intimacy, remain superficial, avoid conflict, and constantly feel misunderstood. Their withdrawal isn’t weakness—it’s a survival strategy. If expressing opinions once meant punishment, then silence becomes safety.
Breaking the Negative Pattern
Can anything be done to break these patterns for good? Yes—these patterns are not permanent!
Healing begins with recognizing that not everyone had the same childhood. Some people have wonderful relationships with their parents, seem vibrant, mostly joyful, and succeed in their endeavors. If something is possible for one person, it’s possible for someone else too.
You must be honest with yourself and admit: yes, I don’t feel well; yes, I don’t remember how to feel joy; yes, I don’t believe in good things anymore. Then ask: why have I come to feel and believe this way? How did it begin?
Because the truth is—no child is born choosing to feel bad, to avoid joy, or to disbelieve in themselves and goodness. As a species, we simply wouldn’t survive that way.
Therapy, supportive people, and practicing compassionate and kind self-connection can help restore what was broken. An adult who was once lonely, angry, or withdrawn, a “difficult personality” can learn to trust, feel, and belong again.
Hypnotherapy: A Powerful Tool
A powerful way to uncover which childhood moments have shaped beliefs and negatively impacted life is hypnotherapy.
There is always hope.
So I believe— Kati Paeorg, an experienced hypnotherapist.
